The Last Time…I hired a sex worker
As the rights of both disabled individuals and sex workers continue to be under attack, Lucy Sarret speaks to disability activist and author Andrew Gurza about how sex workers help him explore his sexuality
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The UK government faced the UN over its violations of disabled people’s rights over a year ago, but for many in the community, the fight is far from over.
Despite the damning findings of systemic failures, little has changed—support is still being slashed, and disabled people are being left behind.
Meanwhile, sex workers continue to be criminalized under laws that force them into unsafe conditions, even as public support for decriminalization grows; according to Amnesty International UK, over half of people believe consensual sex work should be fully decriminalised.
Read more: A (brief) history of LGBTQ+ law in the UK
For disability activist and author Andrew Gurza, speaking on behalf of Vivastreet, these issues are deeply connected. Sex workers have played a vital role in helping him explore his sexuality in a world that often ignores disabled people’s desires altogether.
As both disabled people’s rights and sex workers’ rights remain under threat, he speaks to Sextras about what hiring a sex worker has meant to him, the stigma that still surrounds disability and sex, and why it’s time to start having honest conversations about intimacy for all.
When was the last time you hired a sex worker? How was it?
I last hired a worker a few months ago. It was with a newer guy, one who hasn’t been with a disabled client before. It was really fun showing him the ropes, and that a severely disabled can give and receive intimacy. Plus, it was really hot!
How has your relationship with sex work evolved over time?
I am so thankful that I have the privilege and the financial means to work with sex workers. I have been accessing workers for almost seven years, and I am so grateful for that. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t hard at times to reconcile the truth that sometimes I wish I didn’t need sex workers as an outlet, because I have found traditional attempts at dating to be hard. Sometimes, I’m grateful for it, but other times I ebb and flow with it.
“Sex work has helped me to view myself as ‘hot’ and ‘worthy’, which can be really difficult when all the messaging around disability is telling you the exact opposite”
Can you tell us about the first time you hired a sex worker? What led to that decision?
I hadn’t had any physical touch in almost a year back in 2017. I was lonely and just wanted to feel pleasure. I didn’t have a lot of money, but I kept coming back to this site where you could hire someone. I stumbled on Jon, the worker who I have now seen for seven years. In that moment, I just decided that I deserved intimacy, touch and connection. I had enough money at the time, so I took the leap, and it was one of the best decisions.
You’ve described sex work as ‘therapeutic’ for disabled people –can you explain what you mean by that?
I think sex work is extremely therapeutic for me as a severely disabled person. The majority of touch that I receive on a daily basis is from caregivers who are gloved and uber professional, as they ought to be. It’s really hard to see my body as a vessel for pleasure when it is so often touched in sterile ways. Sex work allows for me to see myself as a whole person, it allows me to access my wants and needs in a way that I choose, and that is extremely liberating.
In what ways has sex work helped you explore or better understand your sexuality?
Sex work has helped me to understand that my body as one that: is severely disabled; can’t use the bathroom or shower independently; can give someone pleasure. That is a huge gift that sex work has given me.
Read more: The last time I went to a sex party
Do you feel that sex work offers a different kind of intimacy than traditional dating or relationships?
It allows you to go at your own pace, to learn about your limits and desires in a safe environment. It doesn’t have to take the place of traditional dating, but it can be used as a stepping stone.
What are some of the biggest emotional benefits you've gained from working with sex workers?
I have gained a sexual self-esteem that I didn’t have before now. It has helped me to view myself as ‘hot’ and ‘worthy’, which can be really difficult when all the messaging around disability is telling you the exact opposite message.
What would you say to someone who judges or looks down on sex work?
I’d take their hand in mine, look them dead in the eye and say: “Won’t you want them to be there for you when you need them?”
How can we work towards a more inclusive, sex-positive society that acknowledges disabled people’s need for intimacy?
By recognising that we’ll all be disabled one day, and we’ll all want sexual gratification, and we won’t appreciate being shamed for it.
If there was one thing you could change about the way we talk about sex work and disability, what would it be?
I wish that we could talk about it as an option. I wish that we could talk about it in Social Assistance Benefits [which includes Pension Credit, Housing Benefit, Universal Credit and Council Tax Support]. I wish we could talk about it while not putting down people who are sex workers or the disabled people who choose them. Sex work isn’t bad. Just like disability isn’t bad.