Texting after a first date can feel like a game of cat-and-mouse, but Lucy Sarret unpacks what you should do.

We’ve all been there – you leave a fun first date with someone new, and you catch yourself checking your phone to see if they’ve sent you a text affirming that yes, they also had a great time, and that it wasn’t all in your head.

But then one day passes, then two, and before you know it, you’ve angrily archived your conversation because seeing the dreaded ‘read’ receipt every time you open your messages upsets you (maybe more than it should).

Rejection sucks, especially if you felt like things were going well. But truthfully, it's sometimes just not that deep; if they were the right person for you, they wouldn't have ghosted. It sounds simple, but coming to terms with that fact is much easier said than done.

That's where we can help.

Don’t take it personally – seriously

First things first: this isn’t a reflection of your worth. People don’t text back for all sorts of reasons, and it’s usually more about them than it is about you. Maybe they got busy, maybe their ex slid back into their DMs, or maybe they’re just bad at responding. Either way, this isn’t your problem.

It’s easy to spiral into thinking, “Was it something I said?” or “Did I laugh too hard at that joke?” But, guess what? That mental rabbit hole is a trap. Remind yourself that you’re not defined by someone else’s inability to follow up.

Resist the urge to double text

If you were the one to send a text after the date and they didn’t respond, the absence of a reply is a sign in itself. If you find your fingers are twitching, you’re thinking of all the cute or clever things you could say to get their attention – freeze! Step away from the phone!

The double text is often a one-way ticket to Desperation Station, and I promise you would hate it there (the vibes are rancid). If they wanted to text you, they would have. Let them come to you if they’re genuinely interested. And if they’re not, onto the next.

Instead of obsessing over them, do something else (Credit: Pexels)

Distract yourself

Now’s the time to lean into all those things you’ve been meaning to do. Re-watch that comfort show for the 12th time, dive into a hobby, hit the gym, or catch up with friends who actually text you back.

The more you fill your time with things that make you happy, the less you’ll obsess over your phone. Remember, you existed before this person, and you’ll continue to thrive without their validation (they probably would never have lived up to your version of them anyways).

Delete, mute, or archive – whatever helps you move on

If seeing their name on your phone sends you into an emotional tailspin, it’s time to take action. Archive the chat, mute their notifications, or – if you’re feeling bold – delete the entire conversation. This is something I have done regularly (no one look at my archived convos of shame, it’s not pretty).

And this isn’t a sign of pettiness (and, tbh, so what if it is? It’s not like they’ll find out). It’s about protecting your peace. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Reflect (but don’t overthink)

It's okay to take a moment to reflect on the date – did you have a genuine connection, or were you just hyping it up because they were hot? Were you vibing, or were you more interested in the idea of them texting you back?

Taking a step back and being honest with yourself can be super liberating. Just don’t fall into the trap of overanalysing every little detail. At the end of the day, you can only control your actions, not theirs.

Remember: rejection is redirection

Sometimes, rejection is the universe’s way of saying, “Nah, you deserve better”. It’s easy to feel crushed when someone doesn’t text back, but maybe – just maybe – this is a blessing in disguise.

You don’t need someone who doesn’t see how amazing you are. Let this be your moment to redirect your energy toward people who are genuinely excited to get to know you. Spoiler alert: they’re out there, and they’re not leaving you on read.

Vent to your group chat

There's no therapy session that will quite match up to the cathartic release of a group-chat debrief. Tell your friends, share how upset you are, maybe even indulge in some light bitching about how they wouldn't stop bragging about their boring job.

Chances are, your friends have been ghosted before, too, and there’s something incredibly comforting about knowing you’re not alone in the struggle. Plus, they’ll remind you that you’re a catch and that this one person’s inability to text back doesn’t change that.

Don’t play the waiting game

The longer you wait around for a text that may never come, the more power you’re giving them over your emotions.

Instead of hitting pause on your dating life, keep moving. Download that dating app again, go out with your friends, or just enjoy some solo time. The right person won’t leave you hanging – and you’ll never have to wonder how they feel about you.

It’s their loss, not yours

When someone doesn’t text you back after a good date, it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost something. But let’s flip the script – they’re the ones missing out.

You showed up as your authentic self, and that’s something worth celebrating. So, pick yourself up, dust off your ego, and keep living your life. You’ve got better things to do than wait around for a text that may never come.

And when the right person comes along? Trust me, you won’t have to question whether they’re into you – they’ll make it clear. Until then, embrace the single life, because you’re too busy being iconic to be worried about a text anyway.

So, they didn’t text you after the first date – now what?