Why negative body image is holding you back from love (and what to do about it)
You’ve probably been judgemental about your own appearance, and felt ‘not hot enough’ at some point in your life. Lucy Sarret explores why this is, and how to dismantle your way of thinking to thrive in your dating life.
Pexels / Antoni Shkraba Studio
We’ve all been there (if you haven’t, I’m jealous): feeling bloated before a date and stressing they’ll notice, that one pesky spot that decides to make an appearance just in time for your tête-à-tête with your new crush, that last-minute panic that your outfit isn’t doing what you hoped it would.
Feeling insecure about your own appearance is normal. Nearly half (48%) of Brits have struggled with their self-esteem due to body image concerns, and almost a third (29%) say these insecurities have impacted their romantic relationships. But for some, body image concerns go far beyond a pre-date wobble; they actively stop people from putting themselves out there in the first place.
A new study by ZAVA Online Doctor has found that more than one in five UK adults (22%) feel their body image has prevented them from getting a date, with the number rising to 38% for Gen Z.
With body image being in such sharp focus, it’s clear that negative self-perception isn’t just a personal struggle –it’s a dating epidemic.
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How body image blocks real connections
When you don’t feel good about your body, it’s easy to convince yourself that no one else will either.
Dr Sham Singh, a qualified psychiatrist, explained how this mindset can sabotage relationships before they’ve even begun.
“When individuals harbour negative perceptions of their bodies, it often impacts their self-worth, leading them to feel undeserving of love or respect in their personal relationships.”
Singh adds that he’s seen first-hand how feeling this way can lead to self-sabotaging or withdrawing from potential connections.
“[Gen Z] have had endless exposure to unrealistic and filtered beauty standards which affects their expectations of how they and others should look.”
Essentially, if you believe you’re not attractive enough, you might subconsciously push people away, avoid dating altogether, or settle for relationships where you don’t feel truly valued. And if that sounds painfully familiar, you’re not alone.
The Gen Z effect: social media, filters, and unrealistic expectations
It’s no surprise that Gen Z is struggling the most when it comes to body image and dating. Having grown up in an era of social media, filters, and hyper-edited perfection, they’ve been exposed to impossible beauty standards from day one.
A 2019 poll found that four in ten British teenagers (40%) admitted that images on social media had caused them to worry about body image, as online pressure has mounted to look a certain way.
Even if what we see is just a Facetuned version of a celebrity, it’s created some pretty unattainable standards for the average person, and the younger you are, the less likely you are to have that discernment.
Read more: How to end a good first date: the art of the perfect goodbye
“Gen Z has been exposed to social media for the majority (if not all of) their lives,” sex and relationships therapist Georgina Vass tells Sextras. “They have had endless exposure to unrealistic and filtered beauty standards which affects their expectations of how they and others should look.”
And as statistics have consistently shown that Gen Z is having less sex than previous generations, Vass believes there’s a direct correlation between the two. If you’re used to seeing bodies through the lens of Instagram perfection, it’s understandable that facing your own (and someone else’s) unfiltered reality can feel daunting.
The post-breakup body panic
It’s not just pre-date nerves; body image issues can hit especially hard after a breakup. The study found that one in 10 women (10%) have actively tried to lose weight following a breakup or divorce, nearly double the rate of men (6%).
According to Vass, this isn’t just about looks, but more so self-worth. Symptoms post-breakup can include anything from intrusive thoughts, insomnia, and depression – and if you struggled with your body image prior to the split, it’s likely that this will be exacerbated following it.
If you’ve ever been through a breakup, you probably know the feeling: the sudden hyper-awareness of your appearance, the desperate urge to change something –anything –about yourself to feel desirable again.
Having fallen victim to the mentality myself, I know how all too easy it is to fool yourself into thinking all you need is a glow-up and a hot girl summer to get over that post-breakup slump. But it’s simply not that easy.
Pexels / Andres Ayrton
How to stop body image from ruining your dating life
So, how do you stop negative body image from keeping you single (or ruining a relationship you already have)? Vass suggests starting with your internal narrative.
“Identify negative biases, unhelpful rules, or self-defeating behaviours you engage in. By avoiding an uncomfortable situation, you may lose an opportunity to learn that the situation is safe.”
Try to look at things from a different perspective, and most importantly, be kind to yourself. You’re an interesting, smart individual, and the right person will see that - and still think you are sexy no matter what you look like. If you do need the extra help, that’s what therapy is for (and even friends, if you feel comfortable).
Taking a break from social media can also help. The research shows that stepping away for just one week can improve body satisfaction and self-esteem in young women. And if you want to challenge your own negative self-perceptions, Vass suggests a simple experiment:
“Avoid doing whatever behaviours you would typically do to conceal a part of your body image that you dislike, and see if it makes a difference. For example, if you always wear a hat to a date, next time don’t wear it.
“By avoiding an uncomfortable situation, you may lose an opportunity to learn that the situation is safe (and possibly more successful or enjoyable)!”
Obviously, we’re not saying the physical side is irrelevant in dating (all you have to do is watch a season of Love is Blind to know that), but there is so much more to attraction than what you look like, especially if you’re dating to find a lasting connection.
Yes, looks matter to a degree, but not as much as we’ve been conditioned to believe. If negative body image is stopping you from putting yourself out there, it might be time to shift the focus from how you look to how you feel about yourself.
Because at the end of the day, the most attractive thing you can bring to a date isn’t looking or being ‘perfect’ –it’s confidence.