Being in an open relationship helped me explore my bisexuality
Georgia* tells Lucy Sarret about the way non-monogamy allowed her to feel truly fulfilled and able to explore all aspects of her sexuality.
When I first met my partner Ben, I never thought our relationship would transform my understanding of myself in so many ways'. As a 34-year-old finance director from London, my life had always been neatly organised, especially my relationships.
I had only been in monogamous, heterosexual relationships before, and the idea of an open relationship was completely foreign to me. That was until I met Ben.
Exploring threesomes in ENM
He and I had been together for over a year when he first brought up the idea of an open relationship. Initially I was completely against it, but we had friends in ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationships, and listening to their stories planted a seed of curiosity in my mind.
It sounded daunting, but as our trust in each other grew, I began to see the potential benefits. I was coming to terms with my bisexuality and I realised that, for me, a single partner might not be able to satisfy my desires fully. Having never explored dating women, I was curious. So after many honest conversations, we decided to open our relationship.
Our journey into non-monogamy began with threesomes. It was thrilling, but I also wanted to experience intimacy with a woman on my own. I started using dating apps, but many women were uncomfortable with the fact that I was in a relationship. I met a few who wanted more than just a casual encounter, which complicated things. Then I discovered something that changed my perspective on sex.
First wlw sexual experience
My first experience, with an escort I met through the classified site Vivastreet was enlightening. She felt safe using the site, which reassured me. Vivastreet provides erotic escorts and sex workers with clients in a secure way that ensures both parties’ wellbeing is taken into account.
This was my first solo sexual experience with a woman, away from a male presence. It was much more sensual and spiritual than I anticipated. The focus on pleasing each other, taking our time, and the sheer intimacy of the experience was profound. I realised then that I was truly bisexual.
Navigating non-monogamy
As we started exploring other people outside of our relationship, we had to set clear boundaries. Initially, we had rules like ‘no anal sex with others’, ‘no emotional connections’ (no dates or outside communication like texting or calling or meeting up for a purpose other than a sexual one), and keeping certain sex positions just for each other. These boundaries helped us feel secure as we navigated this new territory. Over time, as our trust deepened, these boundaries relaxed. We learned to trust each other implicitly, allowing more freedom and flexibility.
Communication has been the cornerstone of our success. We discuss our encounters before and after they happen. While I often see women alone, these discussions keep Ben and me connected and informed.
Managing jealousy has also been a learning process. We've come to realise that jealousy is normal and doesn't have to be negative. It's crucial to distinguish between jealousy and feeling like you’ve been disrespected. If you can't handle the jealousy, it might be a sign of underlying issues. (or a sign non-monogamy isn’t for you).
One of the most challenging moments in our open relationship was when I felt left out during a sexual encounter with multiple people. It was overwhelming, and I felt sidelined. We talked it through and decided to temporarily close our relationship to focus on each other, ensuring we prioritised our bond. When we both felt secure enough again, we opened our relationship back up.
Discovering bisexuality through ENM
Despite the challenges, the rewards have been immense. Being involved with women has been incredibly fulfilling. I’ve always really enjoyed being able to have purely sexual connections with women that I’ve paid for their services, and I pretty much only sleep with escorts now for that reason. They’re still multi-faceted people, even if you’re paying them for the sex you have together. I’ve met some truly lovely and cool people through the app, one of which I ended up forming a friendship with.
My journey into bisexuality has profoundly changed my perspective on identity and desire. I've discovered new kinks and fetishes, like the pleasure-pain dynamic of candle play, which was suggested by a woman I met. These experiences have broadened my understanding of my own body and preferences, and I've incorporated them into my relationship with Ben.
Being queer has also brought unique challenges and highlights to our relationship. It has strengthened our bond as we’ve been able to shar our experiences and offer each other mutual support. Balancing my sexual needs with women and my emotional needs with Ben has been a harmonious process.
While I feel truly comfortable, I have faced stigma from being in an open relationship. People have such strong opinions, they think we’re not in love. My family knows about my bisexuality, but I haven’t told them about our non-monogamy, I’m not sure they’d understand.
My mom has been very supportive of my sexuality, though my dad was initially uncomfortable. I also have to say the support from the LGBTQ+ community and friends has been crucial. All my female friends are bisexual, and it’s been really nice to have that support because I can actually have discussions about my shared experiences, and I’m not sitting there like before, wondering if it’s normal for me to desire certain things.
Looking to the future, I hope to continue exploring and understanding my sexuality. I have children, and I aspire to be open and honest with them about relationships, ensuring they grow up in an inclusive environment. I’m not planning on telling them anytime soon, as they are still quite young, but I want them to be open-minded about these things.
For those considering non-monogamy, my advice is to build a strong, trusting foundation with your partner first. Take things slow, communicate openly, and be confident in yourself.
Exploring my bisexuality through an open relationship has been a journey of self-discovery and growth. It's about finding what truly satisfies and fulfils you while maintaining a deep, trusting connection with your partner. It's been an incredible experience, one that has enriched my life and my relationship with Ben in ways I never imagined.
*names have been changed