The dating divide: Do gay people go on better dates than straight singles?

The LGBTQ+ community seems to go on more adventurous dates – Charlie Elizabeth Culverhouse asks whether they’re more satisfied than the heterosexual ‘drinks and dinner’ crew

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The dating minefield seems particularly harsh right now. Hinge’s ‘most compatible’ feature has grown in its ability to knock you down, even on the best of days. Smiles across dance floors are met with shrugs and cold shoulders. And the cost-of-living crisis has left us getting more than a little creative when it comes to choosing what to do on a first date. 

My straight friends are left complaining about forking out to spend a repetitive, mundane evening with their hopeful next lover at this chain cafe, that upmarket bar, or the small plate restaurant ‘everyone’s been talking about lately’.

“Why not just go wildflower picking? Or to art night at the pub,” I suggest. They’re two free activities and both I’ve taken dates to, with the art night going down particularly well as me and my partner-for-the-night took home awfully coloured-in portraits of each other. Neither broke the bank or left me walking home at midnight because I’d spent my taxi fare home on overpriced drinks to get me through tedious conversation. But, “that’s just not what we do,” they tell me. 

It’s left me wondering; who does dating better? Straight people, or gay people? 

What does straight dating look like these days?

When I search Reddit pretending to be a straight man on the hunt for first date ideas, I’m told to take my ‘girl’ out for ‘a beer or two at a pub’ or for ‘drinks in a park,’ if the weather is nice. Don’t get too crazy with it! Bowling and going out for ice cream are two more popular choices.

When I ask my straight best friend Esme about her dating experiences, it seems to set off some existential thinking in her mind. “The majority of dates I’ve been on have been for drinks, now I think about it,” she says. “Actually, the weirdest date I’ve been on was with this guy who picked me up for a drink but then started driving to some far away pub. When we got there, he’d invited all his mates and he, seriously, unironically, introduced me as his girlfriend.”

She cringes. “Apart from drinks, I walked around London with a guy for hours once, just power walking around like he was trying to get his steps in or something. But…yeah.” She thinks for a moment. “I’ve literally only ever gone on dates where we’ve drank or walked.”

While Esme is left slightly worried about the vanilla-feel of her drinks-and-dinner style of dating, Mark*, 30, thinks it’s a good idea to keep the first date simple in this way. “My first instinct is to go for a drink, as a preamble to a good second date,” he says. “I’d be more likely to go on a ‘fun’ second date.”

And Harry*, 24, points out that there are relaxed and simple ways of spicing up drinks. “A drink is definitely an easy one,“ he says. “I think I've found that when there’s some kind of an activity on the side, it helps make conversation easier because you can always come back to that. I’ve gone on pub quizzes or the beach for a drink and a BBQ.”

But Megan*, 25, is just as nervous as Esme about the reliance on drinks when it comes to straight dating, though she admits that she’s often the one to suggest going for them. 

She says, “When I’ve gone on a first date, I do tend to ask men for a drink, just because it feels like the easiest choice. But I would definitely be more likely to remember someone if we have a more exciting first date activity.”

She gets why people keep going for these repetitive evenings out, though. “I think alcohol is a lot of people’s go-to on dates, as it might help if you’re feeling nervous and inhibitions are kinda lower,” she says. “But we should also be able to have a proper flirty date without getting smashed, surely?”

She’s right. There are other options and dating app Bumble – who Ipsos report as having 80% straight users – has straight people’s backs when it comes to dating ideas. They say that, “Keeping it cool and casual on a first date is key,” with their recommendations for date ideas including things like meeting at a local coffee shop ‘for easy conversation’ or having a board game night. Does that sound more interesting? I’m not convinced…

Gay dating, on the other hand…

Then you have Grindr. On its website, the infamous gay dating app shares date ideas like going for a starlit dinner, rollerblading, snowshoeing, biking, stargazing, wine tasting, and more (although, TBC whether any Grindr users have made it this far…). 

And searching Reddit for date ideas specifically for gay people, I’m met with stories of much more active dating. “My first date with my boyfriend, I took him kayaking and it was a lot of fun,” one user says. Another suggested a trip to the art museum, which they say is “the perfect place for intimate conversation and you'll get your steps in too”.

Other ideas pop up a lot: karaoke (for the very confident dater), theme park trips (for the adrenaline junkie) and mini-golf (for everyone?); all get big ratings from users. 

“I definitely think that gay people go on better dates than straight people,” Hannah, 25, tells me. “When I thought I was straight, dates would literally be meeting up for an hour or two for a drink in a pub that was conveniently near the guy’s house. He’d normally leave when he realised I didn’t want to sleep with him. 

“But I’ve been on great dates with women,” she adds. “My favourite was when I went to an arcade and we spent hours and hours on the 1p machine trying to knock this awful-looking keyring down. Now I think about it, I’ve only really gone for drinks or a meal with someone on a third or fourth date. I much prefer actually doing something that breaks the ice and gives us something to bond over.” 

And it's not just Hannah: LGBTQ+ people do seem to go on more adventurous dates than their straight counterparts. 

Kez, known as TikTok’s lesbian big sister, suggests a particularly elaborate date in her video on queer date ideas. What she calls a “stalking date” consists of each person planning half of your day together. “The half that you would prepare is places that you think the other person would like based on stalking their socials.

“Maybe you guys end up going to a place you assume the person would like and they would have never chosen to go there. But you still have fun regardless,” she adds. Or, of course, there’s always another of her suggestions; “I have always wanted to go on a date to get carabiners.” 

If you’re already carabiner-ed out or you’re off of socials (lucky you), jewellery making and DIYing T-shirts with crudely stitched-on felt patches are two ideas that come up a lot when searching for gay/lesbian date ideas. Set up a blanket in a sunny spot and get those creative juices flowing…

Why is there a dating divide in the first place?

So, it seems that gay people tend to try more interactive and objectively interesting activities on dates, while straight people tend to just grab a drink or dinner somewhere. 

But what’s causing this dating divide? Well, Dr Tammy Nelson, is a sex and relationship expert, as well as a licensed psychotherapist with almost thirty years of experience working with couples. She believes that a lot of it has to do with straight people subconsciously holding more traditional views of dating, while members of the LGBTQ+ community, who have historically lived outside of that, feel they can be more free in their choices. 

“Gay, queer, and bisexual individuals may explore dating options with more openness to novelty and fluidity, given their history of having to be more fluid in their life choices,” she says “They may feel they either have to be, or can be, more creative in what they are looking for.” While, she adds, “heterosexual daters may lean toward more traditional experiences and milestones”.

Who’s more satisfied? Gay or straight daters?

One major benefit that gay people’s interest in adventurous dates has is the bonding opportunities on offer. 

It hardly needs to be said, but while drinks or dinner can be a good way to dip your toes into someone’s likes and dislikes, and see if you share an immediate chemistry, they don't offer a really deep look into someone's personality or values. It’s so easy to give that first-date good impression when all you need to do is sit and pull out pre-prepared anecdotes. 

But take someone on a bike ride? Surround them by starlight and an adventurous tasting menu? Or really hit things out of the park with an afternoon of snorkeling or rollerblading? That’s a great way to get to dig into who someone really is and connect with them on that deeper level. 

However, this doesn’t mean – as smug as the LGBTQ+ community may want to feel about it – that straight daters are less satisfied than gay daters. Nelson points out that the main key to successful dating is finding someone who enjoys similar interests and activities to you. So, if a straight dater does want to go for a drink, or for a sit down meal, then they’ll enjoy doing that. 

“While sexuality does not necessarily determine dating satisfaction, what matters is how dating styles match, and whether our interests in potential relationships will be fulfilling for both partners,” she says.

“Fulfillment comes when we show up for dates authentically, in ways that reflect what we truly want."

So, what can we learn from this? 

Let’s just remember; dating should be fun. If drinks and dinner are your cup of tea, go for it! If you’d rather go wild swimming, skiing, bookshopping, jewellery making, hiking, sword fighting, arcade gaming, or whatever it is that you’re into, then do that! If your date isn’t into it and you – straight, bi, gay, or queer – are, then they’re not the one. 

*names have been changed