I’m obsessed with my work crush and it’s ruining my life!
Daniella Parete Clarke extols the virtues of an office infatuation, and provides advice on how to move on (to your next)
“I’ve been happily single for two years – until about four months ago, when the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen joined my team at work, and I’ve been unhappily single ever since. He’s also funny and sweet (just my luck) so as you can imagine, I instantly fell in love with him. We became best friends and chat all day everyday. One small problem: he has a girlfriend with whom he is very much in love. I wish I could get over him and start dating someone else, but every time I think about it I feel physically ill! What’s a girl to do?”
Dear reader,
As Shakespeare once wrote: “There is nothing quite like the sting of unrequited love, especially when the object of thy desire is thy colleague whomst thou art destined to see every working day.”
(I’ve misplaced my copy of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, but I’m sure it goes something like that.)
Falling in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way: agony. But at least you are in good company; this feeling is fodder for all the greatest literature and music of all time. And, honestly, in an era when everyone is numbing out and doomscrolling through AI-brainrot videos, any kind of strong emotion, good or bad, is something to appreciate. Enjoy the delicious pain while it lasts – you are capable of experiencing feelings of catharsis while listening to The Cranberries that I can only dream of.
“We must imagine Sisyphus happy – because maybe he had a little crush to think about while he was rolling that boulder”
Since we’re practising gratitude, may I remind you that having a stupid work crush to occupy your thoughts is basically the point of being alive? Cast your mind back to the months before you met your gorgeous co-worker, when you weren’t in the throes of a debilitating infatuation that haunted your waking hours. Peaceful? Perhaps. Boring? Definitely. Your brain has managed to make getting up for your 9-to-5 feel exhilarating, something that our capitalist overlords should really consider exploiting to get us excited about the rat race. We must imagine Sisyphus happy – because maybe he had a little crush to think about while he was rolling that boulder.
But let’s get down to business: if you want to get over your colleague, you’re going to have to detach. That might mean spending less time together, focusing your energy on other friends and reviving your dating life outside of him. I know, disgusting – but if I’ve learnt one thing from our beloved Deputy Editor Lucy Sarret, it’s that going on two to seven dates a week is the best medicine there is. Even if everyone who pops up on Hinge initially repulses you.
If you really can’t seem to hack it, ask yourself how much your current role means to you. It goes without saying that no one should ever quit their dream job because of a man, but if you’ve already been wistfully scrolling the ‘Hiring’ section of LinkedIn, this could be your sign to fire off some applications. Do a little networking! Your new and improved work crush could be just around the corner.
In time, I promise this obsession will fade, and you’ll fondly remember weeping on your Tube-ride home listening to ‘Linger’ at full volume. Ah, the good old days!
Best of luck,
Dani (of Sextras fame)
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