What it’s really like to lose your sex drive on meds
For some, taking anti-depressants can mean a serious drop in libido. Lucy Sarret delves into the realities of navigating intimacy and mental health
It’s no secret that depression is a common issue - but we’ve found ways to deal with it. In the UK alone, 8.6 million people were prescribed antidepressants in 2022/2023.
But what happens when the very meds that keep your mental health on track start messing with your sexual desire?
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIS, are the most commonly prescribed antidepressant in the UK. Like any prescribed drug, taking them can greatly improve your daily life, but they’re no picnic either. One of their potential side effects, among the many listed, is loss of libido - i.e, it might get much more difficult for you to get horny.
Alice, 24, noticed her sex drive change “almost immediately” after she started taking Sertraline.
“I remember a few days in, trying to masturbate and being unable to come, which was the first time that had ever happened to me,” she said. “Previously, I'd been a job-done-in-three-minutes kind of gal, so not being able to come at all was super stressful.”
“It was honestly very shit, and very depressing. It made me feel like a sexless being”
For Marie*, 27, the shift was less dramatic, but nonetheless affected her emotional wellbeing. Before starting her meds, her mental health had been steadily declining, and with it so had her sex life, so it took her longer to notice that the drugs were also a factor.
“It wasn't until months later, when everything else had started to feel better, […] that I started to notice the changes to my libido and ability to have an orgasm. Even then, had my partner not noticed it first, it could have been much longer before I did.”
This is nothing new - we’ve known that SSRIs affect libido since 1960. The conversation around this issue still revolves mostly around how to fix the issue medically: talk to your healthcare provider, change to another medication, and maybe go to counselling. But what is it actually like to lose your horniness, and how do you begin to explain it to your sexual partner?
Alice explains that her ex-boyfriend was “fairly understanding”, but that didn’t ease her own sense of confidence and empowerment.
“It was honestly very shit, and very depressing, which is not the intended effect of antidepressants. It made me feel like a sexless being.”
She describes the feeling as “like listening to a really good song where the beat never dropped, like getting so close but just not being able to reach the climax. This ended up being frustrating for him and me, and often he took it to heart and thought it was personal, which it never was.”
Dr. Eric Chaghouri, Medical Director and Psychiatrist at Lucid Wellness Center, stresses that while antidepressants "can definitely lead to having feelings of not being sexually ‘into’ their partner, despite having attraction […], it’s important to highlight that low libido is a medical adverse effect and is definitely not an indication of personal failure.”
Marie explains that through lots of communication around needs and desires, she and her partner decided to try out options like toys and changes to sexual routine.
“I often found myself not too interested in sexual activity, until it was already happening, then I was absolutely on board. I understand how this could come across as a consent issue, but it became very useful for me to [view it as a] mind-over-matter thing and start encounters with my long term partner that I wasn't particularly interested in, because I knew that soon enough I would become interested, and very happy with, what was happening.”
Rhiannon John, sexologist at BedBible, also stresses the importance of decentralising the penetrative act of sex as the end-all-be-all.
“To rebuild intimacy and maintain emotional connection, explore alternative forms of physical and emotional intimacy that are comfortable for both partners. Engage in open communication and set realistic expectations. Try activities like cuddling, kissing, sensual massages, or other forms of sex to maintain closeness without the pressure of sexual performance.”
Having that flowing communication with your partner can help navigate this issue, but obviously, you probably don’t want to continue without coming ever again.
“It took me around 5 years to bring it up with a healthcare provider due to a sense of ‘this isn’t as important as the other health issues I’m dealing with’”
Harvard Health has a couple of recommendations. Firstly, it's crucial to engage in an open dialogue with your healthcare provider. They can provide valuable insights on adjusting medication dosage, trying different prescriptions, or incorporating supplementary drugs to mitigate the impact on your intimate life.
This isn’t always easy in practice, mainly because of the sexual shame many of us (sadly) carry.
As Marie shares: "It took me around 5 years to bring it up with a healthcare provider. That was mostly due to being between family doctors and having inadequate health care coverage, but also due to a sense of 'this isn't as important as the other health issues I'm dealing with,' and I'm sure a certain amount of shame, embarrassment, and fear that there were no options to help me, so what's the point?"
It's crucial not to let shame or embarrassment stop you from seeking the necessary support. Your mental health is essential, and so is your sex life. Just remember to give new medication time; according to the NHS, it should take about six months to feel a real difference. After that period, if anything feels off, then you should probably make a change.
Other solutions include scheduling intimate time during periods of reduced medication impact, or even taking a temporary break from medication under professional supervision.
If you feel comfortable switching up your cocktail of meds, exploring alternative pills that have a lower impact on sexual function, or incorporating complementary drugs, like sildenafil (Viagra) or tadalafil (Cialis), can also help.
Natural remedies like maca, tribulus, ginkgo biloba, and ginseng have also been shown to improve sexual function, although the data is still quite limited. Easy steps you can implement today - and that you’re supposed to do anyways - include having a healthy sleep schedule, eating a nutritious diet, and exercising regularly.
But just FYI, just because some medications may have bad side effects on your own mental or physical health doesn’t mean they’re bad for you; it just means you haven’t found the one that works for you. Antidepressants can change your entire life, and have done wonders for millions of people.
It's important to be aware of what might happen, and to feel comfortable talking about it. At the end of the day, your emotional well-being is what truly matters.
*name has been changed