‘The fantasy doesn’t translate to reality’: demystifying the breeding kink
Birds do it. Bees do it. Why can’t humans fantasise about doing it? Sex editor Honey Wyatt explores the breeding kink, from what it is, to misconceptions around it, and how people stop themselves actually getting pregnant
It’s only natural – for centuries our biological determination has been to reproduce. Against all odds, humankind has managed to spread its seed widely enough to sustain the survival of our species. So far so, in fact, that the UN estimates the global population will rise from 8 billion in 2022 to 9.7 billion people by 2050.
In recent years, the desire to birth offspring seems to have plateaued, with the birth rate in England and Wales being the lowest since 2002. Amid the cost of living and climate crises, wanting kids of your own has become passé; in some social circles immoral altogether.
But while we’re having less babies, the craving for breeding has far from gone away. Slipping increasingly into our consciousness over the last few years, the breeding kink fulfils the impulse for procreating without actually having to do so.
This kink has stirred up some controversy for its popularity among high-profile male celebrities like Elon Musk and Travis Kelce, who joked on an episode of his podcast that he’s “gonna find a breeder, and I’m gonna get kids so that mom can love me again”.
Understandably, people take issue with the misogynistic undertones of a powerful man claiming he wants a breedable and submissive woman to carry (and, likely, raise) his child.
But the beauty of a breeding kink is that, between two consenting adults, it is rooted in fantasy. “A breeding kink is characterised by intense sexual arousal and satisfaction derived from the idea of becoming pregnant or impregnating someone,” describes sexologist at Bedbible.com, Rhiannon John.
Whereas for some the biological wiring to have offspring results in them actually doing so, for others it manifests as intense sexual desire. Like other kinks, why breeding appeals to some people and not others isn’t fully understood.
“The overlap between fear, risk, and arousal responses, as well as a desire for sexual novelty, may play a role” in people developing a breeding kink, John speculates. “For some people, the risk of possibly becoming pregnant is what turns them on. For others, it’s dominance and submission.”
This is the case for Inara (she/they), 29, who identifies as non-monogamous. While going through a divorce in 2021, she discovered she had a breeding kink. Her then, and still current, partner became the dom to her sub, and she realised the safety of being able to fully submit to him is part of the appeal of her breeding kink.
“A breeding kink is characterised by intense sexual arousal and satisfaction derived from the idea of becoming pregnant or impregnating someone”
“It's partly the ownership, but it's also the thrill of the idea of – but not actually wanting to fully commit to – being pregnant,” Inara explains.
Though she has never been pregnant, and isn’t intending on having children any time soon, it’s important for her to feel safe enough with the partner she practises ‘breeding’ with that she can imagine a future where the partner “is going to be there and help provide for me and this child”.
“In my current partnership I feel so safe that I’m able to completely release and not only release, but also find myself primally wanting to be ‘bred’ and owned by this person, and really taking pride that (not to sound crass) I’m carrying this person’s seed in my body and growing their child or their heir.”
This safety isn’t something she feels with every partner. Aside from her primary partner, she sleeps with another man, where she is the dominant partner, but she doesn’t enact this kink with him.
She has also had experiences in the past where she didn’t feel someone she was sleeping with was trustworthy enough to ‘breed’ with. “I quickly learned that this individual was not wearing protection with other partners, and the lack of upfront transparency started to be an issue for me,” she says. “I started to feel very unsafe with letting this person breed me, and so I took it upon myself to end that relationship.”
“It’s partly the ownership, but it’s also the thrill of the idea of – but not actually wanting to fully commit to – being pregnant”
Despite the need to feel this security when exploring the breeding kink, both Inara and John emphasise that the kink doesn’t translate to literally wanting to have children, or reproduce. “For many people, the risk associated with becoming pregnant is what turns them on, but they don't actually wish to become a parent,” explains John. “This is common in many kinks, as the fantasy doesn't always translate into reality.”
Whether people are turned on by the risk element, or by the dominance and submission, can also influence how they protect themselves against actually having children. “Many people will use contraception or role play to arouse them while not actually taking on the risk of becoming pregnant,” explains John.
This involves being imaginative with how they have sex. “Although we typically think of the kink as only for penis-in-vagina sex, other types of sex can be explored including pretending to ejaculate into a vagina but not actually doing it, playing with ejaculation and anal sex (for any gender), or even using dildos that ejaculate fake semen,” John describes.
“For many people the risk associated with becoming pregnant is what turns them on, but they don’t actually wish to become a parent”
It can also involve fantasising during masturbation or doing dirty talk with a partner – anything that allows experimentation while preventing conception. Inara, who has a thyroid autoimmune disease, has not used hormonal contraception in more than five years.
Explaining how she gets around the whole pregnancy issue, she says: “My current partner and I are just very diligent about tracking my cycle, and for the most part, it’s around the same time every month. We only really engage in the kink when I’m menstruating to keep risk low, but in times when I’m close to ovulation, he’ll put on a condom before ejaculation.”
In a time when tensions around reproductive health are so fraught, it’s understandable why people would want to engage in a kink that fulfils a drive for having offspring without any of the repercussions.
Just as bringing a child into the world can bring partners together, the intimacy of practising a breeding kink (and possibly becoming pregnant) with a partner can be “a life-changing, very vulnerable moment,” says John.
And while that biological reproduction might be limited (for now) to someone with a uterus carrying a semen-fertilised egg, a breeding kink can be explored by anyone of any gender, sexual orientation or anatomy.