Bisexual Attraction, Male Validation & Valuing Our Pleasure

In this episode we wrap up the season by looking at our own experiences of pleasure and desire, discussing whether feeling desired and experiencing pleasure are compatible.

We look back at what we learnt about pleasure and desire during our miniseries, from where our attraction, fantasies and turn ons come from to learning how to experience and communicate please.

We discuss how the way we communicate about sex has changed over the years and if we feel like we’re at a good place in our relationships with pleasure and desire. Talking about sex on the podcast is often easier for us than talking about it to a partner, so we discuss why that is and what the most difficult part of talking about sex is for each of us.

As bisexual women, the way we experience desire for women versus men can be different so we discuss what that looks like and how compulsory heterosexuality has convinced us both that it’s easier to be attracted to and desired by a man even though that’s not true at all.

Join our Patreon to watch the full video <3

Let’s Talk (to our partner) About Sex with Keeley Rankin

In the next episode of our pleasure and desire miniseries, we’re joined by sex and relationship coach Keeley Rankin to learn how to talk to your partner about what you enjoy during sex.

We begin the episode by asking what people commonly struggle with during sex and where people’s fear of communicating about what they enjoy in the bedroom comes from.

Keeley explains that often it is a mixture of things that prevent us from being able to talk about sex- first is that we don’t know what gives us pleasure (maybe there are too many options or maybe we don’t know what the options are). Secondly we don’t know what language to use and what the best way to approach the conversation is, and lastly we’re worried we won’t be accepted or, at worst, shamed.

Keeley then gives us some tips for how to talk to a partner about sex from the start of a relationship, explaining that it’s good to set the precedent of having an open dialogue about sex, as well as going in to how to communicate about sex if your desires change after being with someone for a long time.

Lastly, Keeley covers whether there is such a thing as sexual compatibility (you’ll have to listen to find out) and if communication can help with that or not.

We hope you enjoy this episode, thank you so much to Keeley for joining us. You can find more of her on her website.

Female Anatomy & the Orgasm Gap with Dr Amir Marashi

In the second episode of our pleasure and desire miniseries we’re joined by Dr Amir Marashi, MD, FACS, FACOG, Founder of Cerē, the first anatomically aligned vibrator, to talk all about female anatomy and female pleasure. If you’ve not already joined our Patreon you will want to for this episode so you can watch the full video with Dr Marashi, who has a whole load of models to demonstrate what we talk about throughout the episode!

We begin by hearing about how Dr Marashi started learning about female pleasure while being brought up in Iran, where women are subject to virginity tests and female pleasure is rarely talked about. Amir tells us about how doctors are taught about female anatomy and how this contributes to general misinformation about female pleasure and the orgasm gap.

Having conducted research into female pleasure and the anatomy of the clitoris, Dr Marashi knows that understanding female anatomy can help with arousal and close the orgasm gap, and he tells us how women and men can get to better know this and improve communication about what gives women pleasure. He also teaches us a bit about the female anatomy and what sex positions are most pleasurable for people with a vulva to improve clitoral stimulation.

Finally, we discuss how society feels a lot of shame about the vulva, and the harmful impact this has on normalising women’s pain with periods and their vulva, and how encouraging conversations about women’s bodies and pleasure fights this stigma and helps save women’s lives.

We hope you enjoy the episode. Thank you so much to Dr Marashi for joining us, we learnt an incredible amount! If you want to learn more you can find him on TikTok @nycgyno or visit https://getcere.com to find out more about the first anatomically aligned clitoral vibrator.

Good Sex: Does What We Desire Give Us Pleasure?

Welcome to our pleasure and desire miniseries! In this episode we’re joined by the wonderful Catherine Roach, professor of gender and cultural studies at the University of Alabama and author of the book Good Sex: Transforming America Through the New Gender and Sexual Revolution to talk all about what society teaches us about pleasure and how beauty standards determine who and what we find desirable.

We begin the episode by defining what good sex actually is, does it refer to societal standards for what sex should look like or is it more focused on pleasure? Catherine explores whether we have any control over what we find desirable, and how much this might be impacted be societal norms like beauty standards and the porn we watch.

Beauty standards are harmful when it comes to our desire, because of how tied they are to gender, sexuality, age and race, and so Catherine tells us how we can begin to detach ourselves from what we should view as desirable and to tune into what gives us pleasure personally, particularly if you’re a woman.

We then look at social media and beauty standards, and whether it’s helping improve conversations around what we view as desirable or not, and also how conversations about pleasure and desire on social media and in popular culture impact everyone, not just women.

Finally, we unpack how we can have more diversity in conversations about sex, from moving away from unrealistic beauty standards for men and women, to understanding how our bodies work and what personally gives us pleasure, as well as examining what good sex means to us and should mean more broadly in society.

Thank you so much to Catherine for joining us, if you enjoyed the episode please go check out her book Good Sex. As always, you know where to find us— on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok @sextraspodcast, our website www.sextraspodcast.com, email us sextraspodcast@gmail.com, or join our Patreon to watch the full video episode, get access to exclusive bonus content and join our community to continue having these wonderful conversations.