Does size *really* matter?

After the chicken and the egg and what happened to Tupac Shakur, whether size matters is the next question on everyone’s minds. Our Roman Empire! But look no further, as Katie Ross finally puts an end to one of life’s great unanswered questions

Are teenage boys still measuring their penises with rulers, then adding on a couple of centimetres before sharing the result? Are teenage girls still sticking out their thumb and forefinger and hailing the length between as the size of their would-be willy? Did the brazen masculinity of it all become too much for us or does size still rule the roost? I had to find out.

Phrases like BDE (big dick energy) and ‘short king’ (a small man) have sprinted the well-trodden path from TikTok to common parlance in recent years, suggesting that masculinity is still very much on a scale, and one that correlates directly with height, build and how much heat you’re packing.

I decided to put this to the test via a survey, the answers to which I am trawling through on a train, with my brightness control the only saving grace as I try to protect the modesty of the two elderly women sat behind me.

I squint and can just about make out the first response: “It’s the motion of the ocean that matters, not the size of the sausage.” A truth universally acknowledged among those who are attracted to the aforementioned sausage, right? It’s what they do with it that counts!

So I was surprised to discover that 51% of those surveyed say yes, size does matter to them. But if you are the proud (or not so proud) member of the PEN15 club, read on, for what I hope will provide some semblance of reassurance.

One female respondent aged between 18 and 24 says that while she wouldn’t expect nine inches, she would want it to be a substantial enough size to feel pleasure from it, but that this pleasure did also rest on the man having some kind of technique too.

“I actually sort of prefer smaller penises because oral can be more interesting,” says another non-binary person between 18 and 24.

“does the concept of “size matters” simply stem from a darwinistic attempt to establish a pecking order between the male species?”

Another point that arose several times within the survey was the sexual confidence that is derived from having a larger penis, affecting how confidently these men approach sex, and how they treat their partner during it. 

So, does the concept of “size matters”, in the third-leg-or-else definition of the term, simply stem from a Darwinistic attempt to establish a pecking order (pun intended) between the male species? An exercise in survival of the fittest via dick swinging contests among cavemen to attract the mate with the homeliest or best situated cave? 

Dr Martha Tara Lee, relationship counsellor and clinical sexologist, weighs in: “The emphasis on penis size can also be influenced by societal expectations and cultural beliefs about masculinity and sexual performance,” she says, something that is reinforced by facile societal messaging and media representations.

However, Lee adds that there are several reasons why penis size does not matter, citing genital sensitivity, emotional connection, foreplay and stimulation techniques, sexual compatibility and confidence and communication.

“It is important to promote body positivity, open communication, and understanding in discussions about size-related preferences in order to foster healthy relationships and self-esteem,” she continues.

When it comes to height, similar archaic logic seems to be applied time after time. Bigger equals better! But only when it comes to men! Women need to be teeny, probably so they can make men look even more gigantic! As a 5’3 woman who is repeatedly reminded of it by men, best we leave that can of worms unopened.

I wanted to find out how our readers feel about height from a dating perspective—are certain heights off the table when it comes to love? The heart wants what it wants, but only if it’s above six-foot type beat? The votes are in.

Interestingly, none of the men surveyed are as bothered about height as a partner, stating they would date someone taller than them or aren’t bothered either way. “It’s subjective, it depends on some other factors too,” says one. I wish we knew what those were. Lee has some ideas.

Societal norms and gender roles are two factors that have historically perpetuated the idea that men should be taller than women, she explains. “This can be seen as an extension of traditional gender roles and expectations, often referred to as toxic masculinity.”

“focusing solely on physical attributes like penis size oversimplifies the complexity of human sexuality”

This makes sense, with one female respondent saying that she wouldn’t date a man smaller than her: “I guess because I want to feel small around the guy I’m dating,” and another who also shops for tall kings, noting: “Society has probably brainwashed me.”

Naturally, the responses from women become more complex as they are traditionally smaller than men, so as a heterosexual person, finding someone shorter than them might be a challenge.

But even with this in mind, the results are close. Forty-eight per cent said they wouldn’t date someone shorter than them: “They’d have to be a child,” says one.

However, 43% say they would, with the remaining 9% unsure. Another adds that height has never been a factor for her and attraction depends on the person, not their height.

“Depends how much smaller and how in love I was,” said another. “My current boyfriend is literally my height and I think it’s cute because it’s him. Love conquers all.”

And that’s just it, isn’t it? I’m not saying you need to be head over heels with the bloke you just met in the smoking area and are about to hop into an Uber with, but the general consensus seems to be that if you fancy someone, size becomes much less of a factor—and if they know what they’re doing betwixt the sheets, even better!

“It is essential to recognise that not all individuals adhere to these norms and personal preferences can vary significantly,” concludes Lee. “Focusing solely on physical attributes like penis size oversimplifies the complexity of human sexuality. Building healthy relationships based on trust, respect, and open communication is key to fostering satisfying sexual experiences for all individuals involved.”

So if your sexual prowess is affected by your height or the size of your schlong, you can put your worries to bed (ahem), and spend the time you would have spent worrying about it learning a few techniques instead.  

As a wise Sextras survey respondent once said, “A penis is a penis.” I couldn’t agree more.