I’m going home for Christmas, should I hook up with my ex?
Sleeping with an ex – a sleigh or a nay? Honey Wyatt advises in this installment of voicemail, Sextras’ advice column.
Dear reader,
’Tis the damn season when short days, twinkling lights, and cosying up with friends and family brews up a nauseating air of nostalgia. One second you’re biting into a sugar-encrusted mince pie, or sipping on a steaming mug of mulled wine; the next you’re bombarded by the ghosts of relationships past.
Lying awake in your childhood bedroom, it can be easy to let your mind wander through roads not taken; the hometown romances that never flourished. And – whether it’s due the endless probing by your nearest and dearest as to whether you’re cuffed, or being aroused by the aforementioned wine – you might be tempted to let an old flame hurry down your chimney or trim your Christmas tree, etc (just for old time’s sake).
But before you find yourself lingering under the mistletoe for a certain someone, or sitting in their lap like they get around in a reindeer-led sleigh, evaluate whether you’d be making these moves at any other time of year. As I advised in my last voicemail, exes are a touchy subject. Before going back there, ask yourself whether you’re looking for something year-round, or simply a festive fling.
If it’s the former, is this someone going to hang around longer than it takes to undress your Christmas tree (not a euphemism)? To find this out, look at how you last left off and where you’re both at in your lives now. Are you compatible (and not just in a we’re-in-the-same-town way)? Would getting back together mean having to make a move, or regress to your old living-with-your-parents self?
Look at where you want to be in a year’s time – do you see this person in it? And, if you’re from a small town where everyone will presumably be all up in your business, can your reunion take that scrutiny? Remember why you moved away in the first place, and what you’ve experienced since. In the quotidian of your adult job, and mingled among your new collection of friends and things, would this anachronism of a person be able to fulfill your needs?
You’re a grown up now, and you can probably find people better suited to you than your high school sweetheart! Yes, a version of your life could exist where this person is who you’re meant to be with, and the magic of Christmas is what brings you back together, but in all honesty that’s probably not the case.
Your life is not a Taylor Swift song (as much as you – or I – might wish it was) and you should make sure you’re certain it’s the right choice before sliding into their DMs. There’s nothing worse than someone you’re genuinely interested in using the festivities as an excuse to pop into your life again, before disappearing into the ether for the rest of the year.
That being said, the heart wants what the heart wants – especially at Christmas. If what the heart wants is a night of great sex, no harm is done by gaining one more funny memory to look back on in the many Christmases to come (as long as you’re both on the same page). A festive fling might even help to ease you through those inevitable politically incorrect comments from Uncle Boris, or the blame you get for forgetting the crackers.
Christmas is the time for giving and receiving after all; and who better to exchange gifts with than someone you know will give you exactly what you need?
Love,
Sextras x