When you’re not sure if you like kink, and not keen on vanilla sex, where does that leave you? Honey Wyatt explores how engaging the five senses can find a middle ground for kink and vanilla sex.

Love or hate it – we’ve all heard of, if not experienced, BDSM. But it’s not for everyone (normalise ‘vanilla’ sex, people!).

Perhaps you’re not so much of a fan of being slapped across the face, but you have been known to enjoy a light tickle or lick, or maybe ear-curdling screams aren’t your thing but a ASMR-ish whisper really gets you going.

Enter sensation play: the happy medium between vanilla sex and kink. 

Sssh.com, an ethical porn site that bases videos on its members’ erotic fantasies, has noticed a growing amount of requests for sensation play in recent months, with users straight up requesting porn that falls into ‘sensation play’, if not more sensual depictions of bondage.

What is sensation play?

Toeing the line between kinky and romantic, sensation play describes anything that plays with the five senses during sex (shocker!).

“Sensation play can take on many forms – including vanilla fun,” explains Angie Rowntree, founder and director of Sssh.com. “Some experiences of sensation play are more physical touch in nature: tickling with a feather; a massage with warm oil or teasing with an ice cube (or temperature play), and spanking (impact-play). 

“In terms of visual sensation play, some people might enjoy wearing a blindfold to block out sight and focus on touch – or, on the other hand, visual play could involve seeing your partner in lingerie or a costume.”

Sensation play can also be used for taste, smell, and sound, she continues: “You can engage your olfactory senses with scented oils or perfumes or even scented candles in the bedroom.

Read more: What is a praise kink?

“Taste is a pretty obvious one – you might take turns licking whipped cream off of each other’s body. And for sound? ASMR, whispering, or enjoying audio erotica would definitely fit the bill.”

The broad range of what constitutes sensation play is what appeals to audio erotica star John Eros (he/him, 35). “I love how sensation play helps engage the mind; the imagination. It allows for a slower pace and more thought in every action. Sexuality is so much more than penetration. 

“Sensation play can allow one to focus on the smallest details and turn a singular event into a more intricate and prolonged erotic event. Basically, I love eroticism, and sensation play really focuses on the most erotic aspects of sexuality and the body.”

More interested in foreplay than sex itself, John had unknowingly been using sensation play for a long time before learning what it was called. “I had always been more interested in the events around sexuality than sex itself, specifically penetrative sex (which is so often the focus). Instead, the build-up and the eroticism are what appeal most to me,” he says.

“It wasn't until a long time after engaging in sensation play that I realised it had a name. To me, sensation play has always been an intrinsic aspect of sexuality and an extension of my desire to explore the heights of arousal with someone else.”

Sensation play v kink: the differences

If you’re thinking you’ve seen this film before, you wouldn’t be entirely wrong. As long as we’ve had senses, they have been engaged during sex, Rowntree explains. “Sensation play is really nothing new under the sexual sun – and I would argue that it has always been popular,” she says. “But maybe people weren’t using the term ‘sensation play’ as much to describe the various activities it encompasses. It’s all a matter of semantics.”

The name has only now been put to the face because of an increasing collective penchant for naming sexuality, Rowntree theories. “We suspect that some of the ‘mainstreaming’ and sanitisation of kink by pop culture (for better or worse), along with more sex-positive education, has made people more intrigued by ‘alternative’ ways to express sexuality. Thus there’s a new impetus to name the things that people might do.” 

Conversations around sex becoming more normalised, and sexuality becoming a part of our identity, rather than sex being something we merely do, might also have something to do with it. “The increasing demand and sale of pleasure products – and the corresponding consumer desire to take charge of their pleasure – has probably contributed as well to the rise of ‘sensation play’,” she adds.

Tips for incorporating sensation play in sex

Before delving into the world of sensation play, whether that’s with a partner or alone, think about what you already enjoy about sex. “Even though pop culture has this backwards idea that you need to go to ‘extremes’ for pleasure, I’m here to tell you that is absolutely not true,” says Rowntree. 

“You do you; you do what feels right for you and your partner – and that is enough, period. Not everything is for everyone – and that’s totally normal and okay! Sensation play, like anything else in your sex life is really all down to personal and subjective preferences. Keep the exploration safe, sane, and consensual, and enjoy your own pleasure journey.”

For those exploring sensation play with a partner, we’ve said it a million times and we’ll say it again – communication is key, folks! Set boundaries around what you’re definitely not into, and establish safe words for things you’re curious about exploring. 

John recommends introducing sensation play during foreplay. “When engaging in foreplay with partners, I had always enjoyed prolonging it and focusing on every detail that would cause the most arousal possible,” he describes. 

“This all led to involving more sensation play: blindfolds to aid in focusing the other senses (touch, scent and engaging the imagination more); the feeling of restraints; gentle teasing with feathers and paintbrushes so the slightest sensation feels amplified; as well as temperature play (utilising ice cubes during cunnilingus and during erotic massages).” 

And it’s not just couples who can engage in sensation play, Rowntree explains – it can be used during masturbation too. “For instance, let’s say you love an audio/visual turn-on, or you want those ‘braingasm’ tingles from ASMR? Sssh.com has a huge library of erotic audio content, including ASMR porn and guided masturbation sessions that will help you ‘tingle’ in all the right ways. 

“If you want to combine smell, temperature, and touch, try taking a hot bath in your favorite scented bubbles…and using your favorite waterproof toy,” she suggests.

So there you have it folks! If you’ve always wondered how to dabble in the sensory elements of BDSM, without committing fully to the bit, sensation play might be for you. In Sextras’ opinion, anything that can be incorporated into sex as easily and cheaply as taking a bath can’t be half bad. 

And considering the oversaturation of extremes in porn, it’s no wonder people are looking for easy, realistic and stimulating new ways of turning themselves on. Our senses are there to be taken full advantage of, after all.