Face sitting is more than just pleasure – it's about confidence, control, and connection. Sex educator Lisa Welsh explains how to get into it

Ever been curious about face sitting, but not sure how to bring it up or where to start? Well, it’s time to give this position the spotlight it deserves. 

Spoiler alert: It’s not just about physical pleasure. Face sitting is an empowering act that flips traditional bedroom dynamics and lets the receiver take control – literally.

Let’s explore why face sitting is such a confidence boost, how it opens up communication, and how you can make it fun and comfortable for both you and your partner.

What is face sitting and why is it empowering?

First things first – face sitting (or “queening”) isn’t just about sitting on your partner’s face and grinding yourself into happy oblivion. Sure, it’s intimate, and can lead to some mind-blowing orgasms, but there’s so much more to it.

Face sitting gives the person on top full control over their pleasure. Unlike other positions, this one puts all the focus on the receiver and their experience. You get to decide the pace, the pressure, and what feels good – talk about boss-level confidence!

The magic lies in flipping traditional power dynamics. The one receiving is in control, and that can be incredibly liberating for people who aren’t used to taking the lead in the bedroom. Plus, it gives the person on the bottom a great view and a chance to focus 100% on giving pleasure, which can be a huge turn-on.

Face sitting can also be a huge boost to sexual confidence. It’s a chance for you to own your body, take control, and guide your partner in giving you what you want. And when you’re calling the shots, you’re more likely to feel confident and connected to your pleasure.

Why face sitting feels so empowering:

• Control: You set the pace. Whether it’s fast, slow, or somewhere in between, you’re the one in charge of what happens and how it feels.

• Confidence: Being the centre of your partner's attention can work wonders for your self-esteem and body confidence.

• Communication: Face sitting encourages open dialogue about what you like and don’t like. Since you're in control, it’s the perfect opportunity to get comfortable giving directions and exploring what turns you on.

Read more: Does the ‘speed bump’ sex position work? 

Debunking myths about face sitting

Let’s address a few myths that might have you hesitating to climb aboard your partner’s face.

• “I’m worried I’ll hurt them”
  This is super common, especially if body insecurities are in the mix. The key is finding the right balance to ensure both of you are comfortable. You don’t need to put your full weight on your partner – use your hands to hold onto the headboard or their shoulders to help distribute it. Keep the lines of communication open, and check in with each other during the act to make sure everyone’s enjoying the experience comfortably.

• “Isn’t it just about dominance?”
  Face sitting can definitely tie into BDSM and power dynamics, but that’s not a requirement. The focus can be on shared pleasure and the confidence that comes from taking control. If dominance isn’t your thing, that’s totally fine – you can still enjoy face sitting for the intimacy and sense of control it provides without diving into full-on power play.

• “It’s not for everyone”
  Face sitting is for anyone who loves oral sex, wants to try something new in the bedroom, or just wants to spice things up – whether your genitals, gender, or abilities vary. If you're differently abled, you can still make this position work by adjusting it to fit your comfort and needs. You could use pillows for support, find a seated variation, or experiment with different angles that make it easier for both partners. What matters most is adapting and finding what feels great for both of you.

Who can enjoy face sitting?

Face sitting can be a blast for anyone open to trying it. Whether you're a seasoned pro in the bedroom or looking to shake up your usual routine, it’s an option that offers variety and empowerment.

This position is often associated with vulva owners (who get to experience direct stimulation of their clitoris and vulva), but it’s also great for penis owners, particularly with anal play. If you and your partner are into rimming or exploring new sensations, face sitting can give you a fun way to incorporate that into your sex life.

Introducing face sitting into your relationship

The best part about trying something new in bed? The chance to open up communication and discover more about what excites you both. Here’s how to bring face sitting into the conversation – without making it awkward.

• Start with curiosity:
  Bring it up casually. You could say something like, “I’ve been thinking about trying something new – how do you feel about face sitting?” It’s an open-ended question that gives your partner room to share their thoughts without pressure.

• Provide reassurance:
  If your partner is hesitant, remind them that you’re into their body exactly the way it is. If they’re nervous about putting weight on you, offer to support their hips or thighs, or suggest starting with a lighter position like hovering rather than full sitting.

• Be specific about what you want:
  Make sure your partner knows you’re genuinely excited to try this, and that it’s something meant for both of you to enjoy together.

Face sitting tips for beginners

Once your partner is on board, it’s time to figure out the logistics. The best face sitting experiences focus on comfort and communication. So, keep reading to learn exactly how to get started with face sitting.

• Find the right position:
  You don’t need to go for full-on sitting right away. Start with kneeling over your partner’s face, allowing you to control how much pressure you’re applying. If you’re worried about balance, use your hands to support yourself on the bed or a headboard.

• Use non-verbal cues:
  Establish some simple signals for comfort and communication. For example, your partner can tap your thigh if they need you to ease up, or you can squeeze their shoulders to let them know things are going great. Clear non-verbal cues will make the experience safer and more comfortable for both of you.

• Play with movement:
  Don’t be afraid to experiment with how you move. You can gently rock back and forth, grind your hips, or shift your weight to hit different angles and areas. It’s all about finding what feels good for you, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it.

• Stay relaxed and have fun:
  The key to enjoying face sitting is to keep things lighthearted. If something doesn’t feel right or you start laughing halfway through, go with it! Sex is meant to be fun, not overly serious, so embrace the moment and see where it takes you.

Face sitting goes beyond being a simple sexual position – it represents confidence, control, and trust. Taking charge of your pleasure challenges traditional dynamics and creates opportunities for deeper, more intimate communication with your partner. And hey, it’s also a great way to shake up your bedroom routine and boost your confidence.

If you haven’t tried face sitting yet, now could be the perfect time. Remember, it’s all about mutual respect, comfort, and fun. So why not sit back and enjoy the ride? 

Lisa Welsh is an accredited sex educator and communications lead for My Sexual Health and the World Association for Sexual Health.