EYNTK about pet play, according to a kink expert
Hoods, collars, and leads, oh my! Kink therapist Divine Theratrix unpacks how to explore pet play during and outside of sex.
When you think of pet play, I’m sure you think pup hoods, leads, and masks. But every person has a unique approach to pet play, it’s shaped entirely by personal preferences. While dogs are a very popular pet choice, there are no limits! People have been known to play as a bunny, kitten, or something more obscure – the world really is your oyster.
What is pet play?
Popular in the BDSM community, pet play can be defined as the act of embodying pets and their owners/ handlers. This dynamic draws upon the nuances of domination and submission, with pets (obviously) embodying the submissive – and abandoning the complexities of their lives by becoming someone, or something else altogether – and handlers the dominant. In some cases, however, pups and handlers see one another as equals.
For me, pet play is a non-sexual activity that lets me have fun with other folks without using words – we rely entirely on body language. I have developed a much better understanding of myself as a neurodivergent person through this kind of body play, which ultimately means I am better at meeting my own needs, making me a happier, healthier and more confident person overall.
It is also an educational experience, with consent lying at its core. Pet play forces you to consider how both parties communicate during play and respect a practice known as ‘collaring’.
Choosing the right gear
Collars are significant within the world of pet play; they are often an important outfit addition and can indicate that a pet has a formal dominant. This is sometimes seen as a pet and their handler ‘going steady’; their connection won’t necessarily be romantic, but collars typically suggest they are fulfilling each other’s needs and people should not engage with this pet without asking their dominant beforehand.
Meanwhile, pets are usually dressed in items that resemble their chosen animal, otherwise known as ‘gear’, which some people like because they feel it helps them get into their ‘pet headspace’ – although this isn’t necessary.
Kinksters like myself often meet at social events to enjoy pet play. There, we can perform pet play for onlookers and enjoy more private experiences; I personally take my animal play workshops to festivals across the UK and have hosted play shops at lots of parties. People comment on how ‘high’ they have felt for hours and even days afterwards! It really helps people loosen their inhibitions and enjoy silly, freeing fun.
Social events
I play in public settings but, in the moment, everyone besides my pup ceases to exist. I am so emotionally engaged with and focused on them, it can be a shock when I look up and remember people are watching! Recently, it had been a while since I’d played with my favourite pup, and we were performing a demonstration at Centaur Studios.
“I test my pup to see how well they listen to me; they lay on their back, presenting their belly to me, and I lavish them”
I gently undressed them and then dressed them in their pup gear piece by piece so they could transition into their submissive pup persona. These moments are tender and intense at the same time because me and my pup are completely focused on each other; we are linked energetically. Our close skin-to-skin contact leaves me feeling completely absorbed in the space, it’s like nothing else I’ve experienced.
Communicating and setting boundaries
Throughout our play, I test my pup to see how well they listen to me. I give them verbal commands, which is an opportunity for them to succeed and be praised, but showering them with affection is my favourite part. I let my pup lay on their back, presenting their belly to me, and I lavish them. This experience is so intimate, it’s easy to forget that you’re surrounded by smiling faces!
If you are thinking about trying pet play, think about what you might find difficult and consider your desires. If you’re meeting with a new pup or handler, agree in advance what sort of games you will play and how you will comfortably communicate demands. Setting clear boundaries from the outset, whilst remaining supportive of one another’s needs, will be the key to ensuring this is the empowering experience it’s supposed to be.
Lara, aka Divine Theratrix, is a professional kinkster and qualified integrative therapist from adult community JOYclub. She provides kink-friendly counselling and plays as a handler at events across the UK. Learn more about her work and pet play events across the UK here.