What does the rise of demure porn tell us about sex in 2025?
Very demure, very…not mindful of women’s pleasure? Honey Wyatt investigates what Pornhub’s top search trends mean for our real sex lives in the new year
A push and pull emerged in the cultural zeitgeist in 2024. On one side of the internet (no prizes for guessing which the Sextras team is on…), brat summer dominated, with younger generations embracing the feral, party girl persona. Nipples, or at least their outline, were on full display; there was no shortage of drugs or alcohol; and the warmer weekends became the perfect playground for unleashed debauchery and messiness.
On the other, influencers such as Nara Smith, or Hannah Neeleman (of Ballerina Farm, no less) demonstrated a more restrained, domestic approach to life. Their dulcet whisper tones painted a more traditional route of child-rearing and cooking as the pinnacle of femininity.
Tradwives and the quiet luxury trend garnered so much attention that a “very demure, very mindful” persona was satirised by content creator Jools Lebron, who highlights the ridicule and paradox of “modest” performances of femininity in the 21st century.
The rise of demure porn
It’s no surprise, then, that this contradiction has seeped into our sex lives. While the bedroom is the last place you might be expected to be modest and cutesy, at least for those of us living in the 21st century, “demure porn” has been crowned Pornhub’s top search trend for 2024. “Demure” as a search term has increased 133% in the last year, while “modesty” was typed out 77% more alongside a 27% rise in demand for porn depicting “traditional sex”.
No show better encapsulated this cultural split than the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. The hit Hulu show illustrated a group of friends, caught in themselves and each other between valuing their own pleasure as women and the constraints of organised religion. Meanwhile, Pornhub named ‘the secret lives of Pornhub wives’ runner-up in its most notable trends of 2024, as searches for ‘Mormon sex’ rose 92%; ‘Mormon threesome’ by 122%; and ‘tradwife’ by 72%.
Sextras asked experts what these trends tell us about sex going into 2025.
What is ‘demure’ porn and what does it mean for modern sexuality?
For Rhiannon John, sexologist at Bedbible.com, the surge in searches for demure porn could indicate sex is going in one of two ways.
“'Demure' is a subjective term with varied interpretations,” she explains. “For some, it may evoke modesty, emotional vulnerability, or gentleness, while others might associate it with submissiveness or even the portrayal of younger women.”
Pornhub’s annual year in review data certainly seems to suggest people are searching for demure porn in several capacities – as the trend has coincided with an 112% rise in people looking for porn that shows ‘mindful pleasure’. At the same time searches for ethical porn on the streaming site have increased 92%, and the term ‘authentic sex’ increased 61%.
“Porn is meant to highlight aspects of what we desire in sex, but it is not meant to be emulated any more than a romance is meant to create a template for a relationship”
Demure porn: very mindful or very concerning?
For John, this could imply a move towards more mindful sex and porn consumption. She continues: “The increase in the search for demure porn could signal a cultural shift toward valuing slower-paced, emotionally connected forms of intimacy, providing a contrast to the fast-paced, hypersexualised depictions prevalent in pornography and other media. This could be seen as a positive step, encouraging people to explore more mindful and intentional with their sexual encounters.”
However, when viewed against a social and political backdrop of a rise in conservatism and ‘manosphere’ influencers such as Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson, the appetite for ‘demure’ and ‘traditional’ porn could highlight a concerning backlash to women championing their sexual pleasure, according to sex therapist and owner of Austin Concierge Therapy, Sara Sloan.
“There has been a cultural backlash that has fetishised traditional gender roles, especially for women, which has been unfolding since the first Trump administration,” she reflects.
Men who engage in these gender roles can often do so at the detriment of women’s sexual pleasure, Sloan observes.
“Many men love the idea of having a demure woman, a traditional housewife, someone who is waiting all day for them to return to fulfill his desire,” she theorises.
“Many of the men that are into the idea of the demure housewife enjoy the fantasy because it makes them a king in their own home, and it gives them confidence in their ability to both please and provide for a woman that loves them.
“It is also very much about the man having full power and control, which is something many men feel like they've been losing to modernisation and feminism.”
This can, however, be unfulfilling for the women that consequently take on ‘traditional’ housewife roles, Sloan suggests.
She adds: “I see many women who have chosen to stay home and leave the workforce often have a hard time with this transition, which often leads to a lack of sex. Another thing I often see in these relationships is a focus on male pleasure that often bypasses female pleasure all together.”
How to mindfully engage with demure porn without reinforcing harmful stereotypes
The rise of demure porn could further encourage men and women to move back into more traditional roles, Sloan predicts.
“Unfortunately, I think the rise of the porn habits will give men a new set of unreasonable expectations for what and how women should act during sex; this will only lead to disappointment on both sides,” she posits.
“Pornography is meant to highlight aspects of what we desire in sex, but it is not meant to be emulated any more than a romance is meant to create a template for a relationship.”
To sidestep being ushered into restrictive gender dynamics in sex and relationships, John advises women to choose male partners who align with their views.
She recommends: “Women and other folks can combat these stereotypes in the bedroom by choosing partners who align with their values and respect them as equals, rather than viewing them as undervalued members of society. Outside the bedroom, there is significant work to be done to push back against cultural and political shifts that aim to objectify and diminish women and non-men.”
So, before you open your incognito tab, maybe ask yourself what you really want from sex – not just in your fantasies, but in your life. The answer might be more complex than any Pornhub search term could ever capture.