Fating: from plain old hookups to dating your way to better health

Tired of monotonous hook-ups? Try ‘fating’, a healthier dating trend, writes Edgary Rodríguez. You'll sweat a lot, but not in a sexual way – or, at least, not at the beginning – with this trend that blends dating with working out.

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Imagine, for a moment: a narrow dirt road bordered by bushes, leading up towards a mountain. The ideal habitat for mosquitoes. Doesn't sound like the perfect date location, does it? But that was the scene for one of my first dates with my now-husband and, I must say, it wasn't bad at all.

We joined mutual friends on this adventure, which brought us together and helped us get to know each other better. During those five hours as we trekked through the middle of nowhere, we each observed how the other reacted to the unknown and how we handled the concept of adventure.

What is the fating trend?

Without knowing it, we were ‘fating’ – also known as ‘workout wooing’ – a dating trend that aims to get everyone moving. The name comes from the union of the words fitness and dating, and brings many physical and mental health bonuses that can positively impact your budding relationship.

With fating, you won't be picking out your coolest, fanciest, or sexiest outfit when you get ready. Instead, you'll be wearing your comfiest trainers and leggings.

Dating app Bumble and fitness brand Gymshark spoke to singles in 2023, with their research finding that ‘fitness dates’ can help boost compatibility. One in five Gen Z-ers and Millennials have done some form of exercise as a first date, and 46% would rather meet someone at a workout class than a night out.

“It’s not just about hitting the gym. Exercise can open the door to more in-depth conversations”

So, you're not alone if you're looking for someone who will share your interests (and count your reps).

Exercising on a date

Dr Erika Evans, an expert in human sexuality, marriage, and family, generally discourages clients from spending lots of money on first dates. Instead, she suggests choosing experiences where they can truly get to know each other – which could include fating.

“The benefits of fating can include an increase in both attraction and attractiveness to the other person,” Dr Evans says. “Physical activity releases hormones and induces physiological responses that can mimic romantic arousal and may be amplified if you are attracted to the person you are with.” 

When you exercise, your body and mind feel it. According to a study by the University of Michigan, active people are up to 52% more likely to be happy than inactive people.

Pao Strickland, founder of the fitness format LatinFitFlow, and a certified yoga and Latin dance teacher, says that exercise is one of the best ways to release what she calls “happiness hormones” or “bliss chemicals”. These are endorphins, which reduce stress and feelings of pain; serotonin, a mood stabiliser; dopamine, a motivational or ‘reward’ system; and oxytocin, for love and trust.

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Meanwhile, another study from Brigham Young University linked increased closeness, daily marital satisfaction, positive marital events, and quality relationships to individual and joint exercise.

By providing a joint challenge and achieving mutual goals, Dr Evans notes that fating can improve overall satisfaction in romantic interactions.

People who exercise regularly tend to have positive connections with people who are content with their lives, according to Strickland. She explained that, while it's not the rule, you're very likely to unlock the possibility of finding someone who is open to a healthy, happy relationship if they’re up for exercising with you.

“This style of dating also provides new and interesting opportunities for dating experiences. It's not just about hitting the gym,” Evans says. “Exercise can open the door to more in-depth conversations.” 

So, how can you put fating into practice?

Activities you could try out for your first ‘fate’ include swimming, cycling, Zumba, a self-defence class, running, yoga, dancing, hiking, Pilates, and kickboxing… the list goes on.

“We don’t really attract what we want, we attract who and what we are”

Swapping dinner and cocktails for tennis or trekking not only works for first dates, but also long-term couples who want to get out of their comfort zone.

“While restaurants help discover how a person responds to staff, wait times, potentially imperfect food, and more, a fitness date provides an opportunity to see mental and physical attributes like stamina, determination, and flexibility,” Evans says.

Can exercising improve your relationship?

She also adds that fating in a long-term relationship can intensify bonds through teamwork, mutual motivation and inspiration, as well as a means of resolving tension by generating new opportunities for dialogue and problem solving.

“When we seek a partner, there’s that need to find someone special, but also familiar,” says Strickland. “We don’t really attract what we want, we attract who and what we are.”

And ‘who we are’ is linked to what we do with our bodies and minds. Exercise can create a spark in our dating lives, whether that’s improving existing relationships or opening the door to new, positive ones. 

For my husband and me, that experience as a couple shaped us, guiding us towards a common interest that we've returned to many times over the years in different forests, cities, parks, towns, and mountains, taking us to places like El Calafate, Ushuaia, Madrid, São Paulo, La Palma, Valparaíso, Buenos Aires, Caracas, Punta del Este, Machu Picchu, and more.

As we walk through these places, we talk about ourselves and each other, marvel at the unfamiliar things along the way, share dreams, support one another and relax amid the quiet of nature. We decided to take this experience beyond the first few dates, cherishing every opportunity to hike together, because we know we will return renewed.