This summer, dating-app fatigue hit an all-time high, and singles were joining running clubs en masse in an attempt to find love. But could a fitness-focused romance be the key to a healthy long-term relationship? Dani Clarke scrolls the dark corners of Instagram Reels to investigate

I deleted TikTok a couple of months ago, and so I really couldn’t tell you what the TikTok teens are up to these days. What are they buying, what are they pissed off about, what phrase is everyone parroting until it's run into the ground? Don’t ask me. I don’t think I could have told you before I deleted the app, either.

There are many people who are probably very popular online whom I’ve never heard of, simply because the algorithm has decided the kind of lifestyle they promote would not resonate with me. The same is true of most internet users; it’s not a hot take to say we are all stuck inside our own echo chambers, regardless of personality or political persuasion. 

An interesting development that resulted from my TikTok departure has been me spending more time on Instagram Reels (go figure), and watching the app’s algorithm subsequently adjust to suit my preferences.It has settled, I think – I see a lot of mid-century interiors, seasonal recipes, literary jokes and content about being a lesbian – but there was a period when clicking on the Reels tab was like spinning the wheel of fortune. I encountered Gen Z Christianity content, advice for alpha females and, perhaps most jarring of all, fitness-influencer couples.

The rise of fitness couples

I’m not averse to fitness content; I think about protein as often as the next 20-something girl. But if it wasn’t already clear from my algorithmically identified interests above, I have never sought out videos of couples embarking on fitness journeys together. Nevertheless, I was briefly fascinated. All the couples I saw were conventionally attractive and straight. The woman is usually the one filming and posting to her account, and the degree to which her boyfriend features varies – but he is always there. Most of them go to the gym together, some cook for each other, and others are embarking on a shared “winter arc”. 

Sometimes, these videos feel like ads, or thinly veiled thirst traps. But this content exists for reasons beyond gratification, and is evidently enjoyed by viewers – some of whom prioritise sharing an active lifestyle with their partner IRL. According to Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationships expert at Lovehoney: “Going through fitness journeys [with your partner] can create a shared sense of achievement, especially when you’re hitting those goals as a team. It’s motivating, and it gives you something to bond over that’s healthy and future focused.” 

The romantic power of fitness was a hot topic this summer, when a slew of media outlets reported that singles were ditching the apps and turning to running clubs in their efforts to find a match. If working out can help you find love, it seems logical that it could also help maintain or invigorate your existing connections. 

Can working out together improve your relationship?

As well as the endorphin-boosting benefits, “Exercise has also been proven to improve sex, so couples who are hitting the gym more regularly might also be experiencing more spark in between the sheets,” Knight claims, adding that this style of relationship can appeal to those whose love languages are acts of service, or physical touch. 

This sentiment is reflected in some of the videos I saw. “Imagine going on a gym date with the love of your life,” suggests the caption of one video, laid over a clip of a girl taking a break on the adductor machine. "Weight training, saving the cardio for at home, making a healthy meal, showering together and cuddling…”

Often, this content is not actually packaged as “couples fitness content”. Yet the relationship aspect feels difficult to ignore, especially when most of the comments are discussing it. I watch a creator lift weights at an up-market gym, her boyfriend spot checking her and doling out high-fives. Another – a glossy-blonde dietician – is telling viewers everything she ate that day, and the clips that aren’t of her chopping vegetables in an immaculate kitchen are of a nondescript man eating the salad she just made. “Oh my god, did you guys move in together?” several commenters are asking. “That’s so cute.”

Is it cute? Perhaps, but it also feels a bit performative – an extension of self-improvement content, in which influencers tell you how to grow your glutes, and promote gut-health powders that make you shit yourself, all in the name of healthy living. It’s aspirational! And what’s more aspirational than a shiny, healthy partner to go with that shiny, healthy lifestyle?

Can ‘bed rotting’ compete with fitness for relationship connection?

For other social media users, a different kind of aspirational relationship exists. As winter approaches, an influx of ‘cosymaxxing’ Instagram content accompanies it, celebrating the idea of lounging at home with your significant other. For extremists – and the chronically online – this is referred to as a ‘bed-rotting’ date. 

Cosying up with your lover isn’t a new concept. For as long as monogamy has existed (I assume, I’m not fact-checking this), there have been the couples who prefer going out, and those whose idea of a good time is cancelled plans and being horizontal for hours at a time. And as the seasons change, many naturally gravitate towards the latter camp. 

While the term “bed rotting” has been used to gesture towards poor-mental-health habits – such as doom scrolling, lengthy screen time and passive eating – turning it into a shared activity reframes it as a way to spend focused, quality time with a partner.

It’s even creeped into the wellness sphere, with some creators claiming it’s necessary to use the darker, colder months as an opportunity to rest and recharge, just as our ancestors would have done (under a heated blanket, watching Gilmore Girls). This homebody mindset aligns with the Gen Z-led shift towards going to bed earlier, drinking less alcohol, and “protecting your peace”.

“For couples who embrace ‘doing nothing’, It's about the pleasure of being together and enjoying the little things, like takeaway and trashy TV,” says Knight. “If you crave quality time, you might be more inclined to snuggle up and chill with your partner, feeling most connected in those cosy, relaxed moments.”

How Instagram and TikTok are shaping couple culture

Through a phone screen, it’s easy to compare these kinds of social-media-specific couples, and to conflate the people you’re watching into a conclusive, shared identity. The pervasiveness of self-improvement culture means that social-media users are constantly confronted with calls for self-optimisation, focusing on health and productivity.

But, when you spend a lot of your time with someone else, perhaps just optimising the self isn’t enough. At what point does this mindset start to extend to our partners and romantic relationships?

Most Reels commenters find the bed rotters relatable, if a bit gross, and the fitness fanatics motivating, if a bit cringe. Offline, most people don't confine themselves to just one category. Our relationships to fitness will ebb and flow based on a myriad of factors, such as working hours, energy levels and the weather. Perhaps you gravitate more towards one side, depending on your and your partner's preferences. 

Finding balance between fitness and ‘do nothing’ time

According to Knight, that’s perfectly okay: “It's important to respect each other’s hobbies while also finding ways to connect that work for both. It’s more about flexibility and less about being exactly the same. Diversity in interests can actually strengthen a relationship.”

Knight continues: “If one person is into fitness and the other’s more of a bed-bound binge-watcher, it can definitely become a point of tension, but it doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker! The key is communication and compromise. Maybe one partner joins for occasional runs, and the other makes more time for a cosy night in – that way everyone wins.”

Is fitness really the secret to long-lasting love?

I must admit that, despite my growing interest in fitness, when I have some downtime to spend with the person I love, it never really crosses my mind to say: ‘Shall we go for a 5k run right now?’. After a long week at work, I generally feel like (a) drinking wine with my friends, or (b) getting into bed with my partner and climbing into her skin through her back – what you might call reverse Subtance-ing. 

But maybe it’s time for us to give this fitness-couple thing a try? The other day, I did a pilates workout when she was in the same room. I’ve seen her lift weights. We texted each other about going to a yoga class, and prioritising nights in. 

My Reels algorithm, however, has other ideas. I open the app, and see a video of two women laying side by side in bed, with the caption: “Finding someone who matched my freak (a full day of bed rotting after making each other spit, gag, ride and even cry a little).” Unfortunately, the common denominator across my social platforms is me. Perhaps it’s time for me to delete Instagram, too?